


Minifics and ficlets

by Selenay



Series: Assorted Fictional Recollections (AKA the prompt fics) [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (2012), Valdemar Series - Mercedes Lackey
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crossdressing, Dogsitting, Don't Touch Lola, Established Relationship, F/M, Getting Together, Kissing, Kissing Meme, Kissing in the Rain, M/M, Mini fics, Phil Coulson and Lucky are bros, Truth or Dare, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2017-12-12 10:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 8,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/810514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selenay/pseuds/Selenay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ficlets and minifics originally posted to Tumblr in response to various memes and prompts. Mainly Clint/Coulson, although every now and again other pairings/fandoms slip in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clint/Coulson - truth or dare

**Author's Note:**

> For the [trope meme](http://selenay936.tumblr.com/post/31863228891/dragging-this-over-from-livejournal) that was going around in September 2012, Fahre asked for this one.

It was Steve who suggested truth or dare one evening. He thought it would be a good team bonding exercise, which sounded sensible at the time but nobody had really thought things through.

For a start, nobody could stand to ask Steve about his life before he got frozen because he got such sad puppy eyes and there wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to deal with that. Tony was a mess of hot button topics that nobody wanted to touch and even asking him seemingly simple things like “Why Dummy?” was, well, not pretty.

Bruce was actually even worse than Tony because all of his untouchable subjects came with a dose of sad eyes and gentle explanation rather than the pained, almost incoherent angry ramblings they got from Tony.

Natasha and Clint could get out of anything they didn’t want to talk about by saying “classified” and glaring forbiddingly until they were allowed to change their choice to dare. And nobody was ready to ask Coulson about the obvious thing because they’d all seen Star Trek IV a few weeks ago and somehow asking someone what being dead felt like got a lot less appealing after witnessing that conversation between Bones and Spock. So if he picked truth, there was a lot of hmm-ing while his challenger tried to think up something innocuous to ask. He got asked boxers or briefs five times and changed his answer each time. Nobody called him on it.

Thor was just no. Not because he had any particular off-limits areas, he’d even happily talk about Loki. With Thor it was a deep fear that he’d *actually answer* and his tales could be long, confusing and tended to drop into loud, booming verse after he’d had five beers.

That left very few areas that were safe for truth and everyone quickly learned that with this group, there weren’t many things they wouldn’t dare to do.

It was kind of fun at first. The drinking helped a lot and Steve carefully didn’t remind them that he couldn’t get drunk. They chose to pretend that everyone was equally buzzed.

After a few rounds, though, the novelty wore off and thinking up dares got harder. There was a tense moment when Tony asked Natasha what colour her panties were. She smirked and Tony ducked behind Steve.

Natasha just said, “Black, not that you’ll ever know for certain.”

There was a collective sigh of relief and nobody noticed the speculative look on her face. She surveyed them all and settled on Clint, who jutted out his chin and chose dare even though he knew that Natasha could be more evil than all of them combined.

When Natasha dared him to kiss someone on the team, everyone naturally assumed that he’d pick Natasha. It seemed like such a pathetic dare that there was an immediate argument between Tony, Steve and Natasha over whether it was a legitimate dare.

That was why it was only Bruce and Thor, at first, who saw Clint turn around, give Coulson a challenging look and then dive in for a kiss.

Of course everyone noticed quickly. It was pretty near impossible to ignore two guys making out on a couch as if their lives depended on it. After a brief wait, where nobody looked at each other and they all kind of hoped it would be over soon, everyone quietly tiptoed away looking uncomfortable.

Except Natasha. She looked smug because she’d spent five years watching the most ridiculous mutual pining display in the history of UST and the evening had been a bitch to manipulate but she’d finally done it and now she could move onto more important issues. Like plotting a subtle revenge on Tony.

They never played truth or dare again.


	2. Clint/Coulson - cross-dressing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a quick outline for Fahre but things got out of hand...

The problem with being a superhero is that your face ends up splashed across every TV screen and magazine cover in existence. For most of the Avengers this wasn’t a problem but Clint and Natasha were still technically SHIELD agents and when the world saving business didn’t need them there were still their regular assignments to work.

For some reason nobody ever recognised Natasha when she was in disguise. Even if all she did was dye her hair black and change her make-up, she could slip in anywhere and nobody connected her to Black Widow. It meant that all her old spy assignments were perfectly easy to do.

Everyone recognised Clint. Dyeing his hair and wearing a different suit didn’t help, his face was too unique. Mostly that didn’t matter because his usual role on an assignment was to find a hiding spot and spend hours watching something through the sight of his rifle or bow, depending on what he’d been able to get away with.

It was just that there were times when Natasha needed a partner on-site and it couldn’t be Clint anymore. That was, until a particular assignment was handed to her and she eyed Clint speculatively. It took her less than five minutes to convince him and then a week to train him.

It wasn’t exactly Clint’s first time in make-up, but stilettos are fucking impossible to walk in without practise and for this, he needed to look like a pro.

Phil had never really considered the cross-dressing thing. Not seriously, anyway, although he admired the confidence of the drag queens at the clubs. It had just never been something that he was personally into, either for himself or his partners.

When he thought about the physical things that attracted him to Clint, it was the arms, the ass and the amazing eyes. It was the raw masculinity and the cocky confidence that his body was amazing.

Phil might have accidentally told Clint that a few times since they got together. He’d certainly noticed that Clint was making even more of an effort to resist wearing sleeves lately.

That was why Phil was so surprised by his reaction when he walked in on Clint and Natasha as they left for their assignment.

The coffee stain on the carpet would be a permanent reminder of that moment.

Phil had heard about what they were doing, in a vague office rumours sense, but it was budget time and anything that wasn’t on a spreadsheet hadn’t been registering for the last fortnight. All he could do was stare, swallow compulsively, and hope that the heat in his face wasn’t as noticeable as he suspected that it was.

Because, apparently, he had a fairly specific cross-dressing kink.

Phil always shied away from using words like ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ about Clint, even with those eyes, but right now they were the only descriptions that came to mind. He was unmistakeably Clint to Phil’s eyes, but he suspected that only someone who knew Clint very well would recognise him right now.

Clint looked worried for a moment and then that slow, seductive half-smile appeared, the one that always had Phil itching to peel him out of whatever clothes he was wearing. It was different with the long brown hair, heavy eyeliner and expertly-applied lip gloss, but its effect was the same. Phil took a deep, calming breath.

Then Clint strolled toward him, balance perfect in the high heels. As he brushed past Phil, he whispered, “Guess I shouldn’t get changed after I’m done here, then?”

Phil nodded helplessly, ignored Natasha’s smirk as she left, and completely failed at not watching Clint walk away. What those stilettos and that dress did to Clint’s ass…

As Phil cleared up the shattered coffee cup, he vowed to burn any spreadsheets or requisition lists that got between him, Clint and a lot of very private time later.


	3. Clint/Coulson, regency AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three sentence AU meme.
> 
> shinykari asked: Clint/Coulson, regency AU

Coulson frowned across the ballroom, trying not to glare as Barton danced elegantly with Natasha Romanov and gave every appearance of being smitten. It was all a pretense, he knew that, but sometimes it was difficult to remember that because they looked so good together and they were both too good at their adopted roles.

Then Barton looked up and his eyes caught Coulson’s, a bright smile aiming at him for just a moment, and Coulson decided he could endure this ball after all if Barton just smiled at him every now and again.


	4. Clint/Coulson - Star Wars AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three sentence meme.
> 
> msraven929 asked: I love the 3 sentence meme. :) Clint/Phil - Star Wars

“I have a really bad feeling about this,” Clint said as he looked at the three dozen clone troopers massed in front of him.

Coulson snorted and extended his lightsaber, the purple blade looking harsh and bright in the dimly lit room they were trapped in under one of the last remaining Jedi outposts, saying, “You always have a bad feeling about things; you’re worse than Obi Wan.”

Clint raised an eyebrow and nodded to the troopers, his green blade reflecting off their pure white armour, and said, “You love me anyway, don’t you?”


	5. Clint/Coulson - Star Wars AU part the second

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> imagemsraven929: I love it! Thank you. (I am also imagining they are one of the few Jedi who manage to survive, happily hiding out together until it’s safe again.)

Clint’s boots were sticky with blood as he followed Coulson through the temple, trying not to look at the severed limbs and mangled bodies of his brother Jedi and their killers. They were the only living creatures in the temple now and soon even the temple would be gone, destroyed by the bombs they’d planted in the lowest levels to cover their escape and provide a fitting funeral pyre to those who had been slain.

Later Clint watched the temple burn, his shoulder pressed to Coulson’s for warmth in the cold night and, maybe, for comfort as well., while he asked,”What happens now?”

Coulson sighed tiredly and took his hand, twining their fingers together in a show of affection they’d always been careful to hide before as he said, “Now? We find a ship, we go somewhere far away from everything and we live a quiet life until we’re needed again.”


	6. Clint/Coulson -1001 nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three sentence AU meme.
> 
> wisdom-avi asked: Clint/Coulson-1001 nights

Clint sank down on the cushions next to Phil and smiled as he asked, “So what kind of story would you like to hear tonight?”

“You know you don’t have to tell stories anymore,” Phil said, “I’m not going to kill you.”

The kiss Clint gave him was slow and gentle and he sat back after with a warm smile as he said, “I know, but I like telling them.”


	7. Clint/Coulson - pirate AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> grumpyslytherin asked: Three sentence meme! Clint/Phil Pirate AU

“If we get off this island alive,” Clint said, sighting down his pistol and shooting an approaching sharp-toothed mer-creature in the head, “we need to try out the whole kissing thing again without a horde of hungry man-eating mermaids about to kill us.”

He could almost feel Coulson’s eyes rolling as Coulson said, “That might be problematic, given that you’re an unrepentant and immoral pirate and I’m an officer in His Majesty’s Navy.”

“Yes, but I’m an unrepentant and immoral pirate with my own ship,” Clint said before adding, “and I know every seedy inn and out of the way cabin on this coast not to mention half a dozen ciphers for passing information, so how difficult could it be to arrange some private time together whenever we happen to be near the same port?”


	8. Vanyel/Stefen - quiet moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three sentence meme.
> 
> dragonsigma asked: How about something cute Van/Stef? you can make it AU or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It turned out not to be an AU :-D Just a rare quiet moment.

Stefen spread out the blanket on the thick, lush grass before tugging Vanyel down, trying not to see the dark circles ringing Van’s eyes or the way he almost seemed to collapse as soon as he hit the ground even though his lips were forming protests.

“Stef, we really can’t…there isn’t time,” Vanyel said and Stefen thought he was probably trying to sound firm, but his voice was too ragged and exhausted for that.

Stef caught Vanyel’s hand, lifted it to his lips to press a kiss to the knuckles and said, “I promise, this is just a picnic lunch and I’ll let you get to your next meeting in three candlemarks provided you’ve eaten something and at least pretended to rest for a while.”

He paused before letting a wicked smile curve his lips as he asked, archly, “Unless you were hoping I’d ravish you out here, in this nice, private, completely secluded field that nobody except me, Medren and Yfandes knows about?”


	9. Natasha/Bucky - Star Wars AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three sentence meme.
> 
> kayquimi asked: Nat/Bucky, Star Wars AU?

Natasha stared down at the point where ugly, scarred flesh met the smooth metal of Bucky's arm, trying to keep her face impassive and neutral despite the fear and horror clawing at her mind because this just wasn't possible, couldn't be happening, she wasn’t going to allow it.

"Hey, Natasha, it’s going to be fine," Bucky said as he reached out with his still-human hand to tilt her chin up.

Natasha met his eyes and tried not to see the fear there that so clearly mirrored her own. "Bucky, we both remember how this all started; do you really think I can pretend this isn't starting to look a lot like history repeating itself with you as the dark side this time?"

”It'll be different this time, you’ll see.”


	10. Phil and Pizza Dog: Best Bros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For Tawg: Phil and Pizza Dog. What they get up to when Clint’s away on mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was taking some prompts for a few days on Tumblr due to work stress and this happened.

The first time Clint had to go out of town after he acquired Lucky, he spent two days asking everyone he knew to dogsit before finally, reluctantly, going to Phil Coulson.

"You want me to look after Pizza Dog," Coulson said with a blank expression.

Clint shrugged. "He likes you."

"He chews my shoes."

"See? He really likes you. And his name's Lucky."

Coulson rolled his eyes, which Clint took as unspoken agreement to the dogsitting plan.

He got home three days later and found Coulson asleep on his sofa with Lucky's head resting on his thigh and a dark patch of drool on his pants. Lucky was covered with mud and for some reason Coulson was wearing a striped scarf and one of Clint's sneakers.

Clint draped a blanket over both of them and went to bed. The sheets smelled of Coulson and Lucky and the combination was oddly soothing.

***

Coulson crouched down and endured Pizza Dog's enthusiastic face wash, resigning himself to smelling like dog for the next five days because Clint was out of town *again*.

"When I said yes the first time," he informed the dog, "I didn't expect to end up being your foster dad every time Clint has to leave town."

Pizza Dog wuffed happily and bounced over to the door.

"Does Clint really jog you every night?" he grumbled as he dug out shorts and a t-shirt from his bag. "And every morning? And Frisbee at lunchtime?"

There was a happy whine from the door and Coulson sighed, stripped out of his suit and prepared to jog.

***

Clint got back to town well after midnight and he wasn't completely surprised to find Coulson asleep in his bed with Lucky snuggled up against Coulson's back. He'd kind of suspected for weeks now that Coulson was a soft touch when it came to the mutt and furniture.

He was too tired to wake anyone up so he settled down on the sofa for what remained of the night and tried not to think too much about why three new Frisbees were sitting on his coffee table.

***

Coulson glared down at Pizza Dog, who stared up and him with an expression of defeated doggy guilt. The effect was ruined by the tail that was wagging happily despite the dog's attempts to look contrite.

Doggy guilt never lasted long, Coulson had learned over the months. Not even when the dog in question had put deep toothy marks into expensive Italian leather.

"Is this why Clint always wears sneakers?" he asked, holding up the remains of his latest pair of shoes.

Pizza Dog snorted and shook his head. Coulson sighed. "It's a good thing I can't seem to say no to Clint or you'd be home alone and I don't think that would go well for either of you. As it is, I'll have to ground you. No food festival this afternoon."

As if he could understand Coulson's words, Pizza Dog's tag stopped wagging and his head dropped in a perfect display of abject doggy depression.

"If you're good for the rest of the morning, I might bring something back for you," Coulson conceded. "Not pizza. You get enough of that when your other dad's around."

***

It was still early when Clint got into town so he picked up coffee and muffins on his way to the apartment and slipped in silently. He closed the door and there was a loud thump and then the rattle of claws on wood as Lucky abandoned Coulson in the bed and rushed to say hello.

Clint crouched down and let Lucky lick his face enthusiastically. "Idiot dog. What did you get up to while I was gone?"

Lucky couldn't answer, of course, but there were two pizza boxes piled on the counter and somehow an old pair of sneakers had migrated from Clint's closet to under the coffee table. More intriguingly, there were four shiny silver balloons floating up on the ceiling.

"Maybe I should install CCTV so I can see what you guys get up to," Clint said quietly. "Seems like it's party central here. I never thought Coulson would be the fun dad in this relationship."

***

Coulson sank down on the sofa with an exhausted sigh and Pizza Dog flomped onto his feet. He didn't even care that they were both sticky from cotton candy and his nose was red with sunburn, he just needed to sit for a while. Dogsitting for Pizza Dog was a lot of fun but somehow Coulson thought it was probably a lot more tiring than it was supposed to be.

***

Clint snuck into his apartment late in the evening and came to a dead stop at the sight of Coulson in jeans and a t-shirt - an old one of Clint's - slumped on his sofa with Lucky at his feet. Lucky lifted his head and his jaw dropped open in a doggy smile. A moment later Coulson stirred and looked up, his eyes still dazed from sleep.

"Hi," Clint said.

"Hi," Coulson said with a soft smile.

Leaning down to kiss Coulson for the first time seemed perfectly natural and the way Coulson sighed into it made something warm and happy settle in Clint's chest.

"Do I want to know why my dog is covered in glitter and cotton candy?" Clint asked as he tugged Coulson up the stairs to his bedroom.

"Probably not," Coulson said. "I'm the fun dad in this relationship, after all. I can't give up my secrets."


	11. Steve's broken shield

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For emmzzi: Hulk breaks Steve’s shield. Bruce has guilt.

The fight was a short, nasty one. Not a particularly newsworthy one - only two local stations bothered to send cameras to watch the Avengers deal with the four cyborgised alligators - but the consequences were unanticipated.

Huge.

Earth-shattering.

And it all seemed to begin with such a simple thing: Captain America threw his shield, intending to decapitate one of the alligators, but the Hulk jumped in at the wrong moment swinging a massive steel bar and the shield...broke.

It split cleanly down the middle and fell to the ground with two muffled thunks.

There was stunned silence for a moment before an alligator chomped down on Hulk's leg and started trying to cut off his foot with the laser that had replaced its eye. Then the fight was back on, with Captain America doing what he could despite being unarmed and shocked.

***

Steve tracked Bruce down to his lab late that night. Bruce was sitting on the floor with the two pieces of the shield resting across his knees. He frowned down and fitted the two halves together, the metal making that familiar soft 'zing' noise as they slid against each other.

"Hi," Steve said.

Bruce looked up and his expression immediately became guilt-stricken. "Uh, hi."

Steve gestured to the shield. "I guess you haven't figured out how repair it yes."

"No," Bruce said, setting the pieces across his legs again. "I don't even know where to start."

The lab floor was cold and hard but Steve sat down anyway and reached out to pat his shield sadly. "I don't think Tony does either."

"He's looking for his father's notes," Bruce said. "You probably knew that already."

Steve shrugged. "It's not your fault."

"The Other Guy doesn't know his own strength?" Bruce suggested with a hint of bitterness.

"Peggy Carter once emptied an entire clip into it from five feet away," Steve said with a chuckle. "She didn't even scratch it."

"The Hulk is much bigger than Peggy Carter."

"Physically, yes." Steve scratched the back of his neck, feeling odd about trying to explain Peggy to someone who had never known her. "The Hulk is ten times her size and can probably hit as hard as anything that came out of her gun. But it just doesn't feel right that the Hulk could break my shield with a steel bar when I've thrown it at bigger things and it's always come back."

Steve frowned and ran a finger down the clean line of the split shield. "Unless..."

"Unless?" Bruce asked.

"Unless there was some kind of flaw," Steve said slowly. "Like a diamond. If there are certain types of flaw then a diamond can break if it's hit in certain ways. Right? What if there was something like that in my shield?"

Bruce pursed his lips, some of the guilt in his eyes bleeding away to be replaced with thoughtful curiosity. "Maybe. I supposed it's possible. If the flaw wasn't something we could see and the Other Guy just happened to hit it...it might explain this."

"Does that mean you can fix it?"

"I still have no idea how Howard Stark made it in the first place," Bruce protested. "Without his notes-"

"-which Tony will find-"

"I don't even know where to start." He paused. "Although."

"Yes?"

Bruce paused thoughtfully, tapping his fingers on the shield so that it rang softly. "This was made from the world's entire supply of vibranium, that's what Howard Stark told you?"

Steve nodded quickly.

"What if it wasn't? The only vibranium, I mean." Bruce said. "Back in the 1940s, they didn't have the kind of satellite data we have now. Vibranium has a unique signature; if there's more then we'll be able to find it."

"And if you find more, you can fix it?" Steve asked.

"Maybe." A corner of Bruce's mouth ticked up into a small smile. "It's not completely impossible."

***

Bruce and Steve returned to the Avengers Tower three months later after several thousand miles of travel, a few adventures and some slightly implausible physics. Most importantly they returned with a flawless Captain America shield and a dozen different stories about how they'd done it.

Most of the stories weren't true. Nobody believed the real story.


	12. Clint/Coulson - first drive in Lola

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For tora42: clint and phil taking their first ride together in lola

Clint walked a slow circle around the car, admiring the bright red colour and the clean lines, and then raised an eyebrow.

"You bought a new car," he said.

Phil shrugged. "In a way."

"You stole a car?" Clint asked and then he blinked. "Wait, no, forget I asked that."

"I'll try."

"Phil," Clint said thoughtfully, "do I need to get worried? Because this, this is a mid-life crisis kind of car. Don't get me wrong, she's beautiful, but seriously. This is the car guys buy just before they spend their retirement funds on jailbait mistresses. Or hook up with hot guys ten years younger than them."

A smile twitched at the corner of Phil's mouth. "You're worried that you and the car are symptoms of a mid-life crisis?"

"It's not completely impossible." Clint shrugged and patted the car's sleek fender. "She is very red. And sporty."

"She's also a project I've been working on for the last ten years," Phil said calmly. "I found her in a scrapyard."

Clint suddenly had a vision of Phil in coveralls and a white t-shirt, grease smeared on his hands and across his cheek, and his mouth went very dry.

"You rebuilt her?" he asked.

"Yes."

"You've been tinkering with a car like this for the last ten years and you didn't tell me?"

Phil shrugged and moved to lean casually against the hood. "Yes."

There was something breathtakingly beautiful about seeing Phil, still dressed in his dark suit, leaning against the car with a small smile on his face. Clint grinned and sauntered round the car to stand between Phil's legs with his hands on Phil's hips. It was gratifying how quickly Phil's hands ended up on his waist, pulling him closer, as though it had become an inevitable reaction to Clint being near even though they'd only been in a relationship for a few months.

"I don't know whether I'm annoyed you didn't tell me or annoyed I didn't get to see you with your hands in a car's engine," Clint said.

"Me covered in engine oil is something you want to see?" Phil asked curiously.

"Hnng," Clint said intelligently.

"I suppose that can be arranged. There are probably going to be some tweaks I'll need to make after we've been for a test drive."

"Test drive?" Clint asked. "You haven't driven her anywhere yet?"

"Only between here and my apartment," Phil said. "I thought you'd appreciate coming along for the ride."

"So many innuendoes to choose from, I can't decide where to start," Clint said thoughtfully and he grinned when Phil slapped him on the ass. "You love me anyway."

"It's Stockholm Syndrome."

"Not a mid-life crisis?"

The kiss Clint received, warm and thorough, derailed that thought completely and he happily kissed Phil back without caring that there were probably people watching on the other side of the street.

"Just making sure," Clint said when they broke apart. "It'll impress your new ducklings, though. The legendary Phil Coulson with his hot red car."

"I hadn't even considered that," Phil said blandly.

"What are you calling her?"

"Why would I name my car?"

Clint rolled his eyes. "Cars like this always have names. It's a rule."

"Really?"

"Really." He thought carefully and then flashed Phil a wicked smile. "How about Lola?"

"No," Phil said immediately. "Definitely not."

"She is a bit of a showgirl, all red and slinky like that."

"No."

"Aw, Phil." Clint grinned and planted a wet, smacking kiss on Phil's lips before stepping back. "Bet I can find a way to persuade you."

The assessing look Phil gave him sent warmth flooding through his body and Clint let his grin widen. 

He waited until Phil was climbing into the car before saying, "You'd better not be thinking about anything kinky in this car. I'm not *that* flexible."

The sight of Phil falling into his car with a flummoxed expression - Clint hoped he'd find out what the mental image was even though it was probably physically impossible - was almost enough to make him forget about naming the car.

Almost.

Lola had a nice ring to it.


	13. Clint/Coulson - Mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake.
> 
> Originally posted [here](http://selenay936.tumblr.com/post/51399765088/jeremy-ruiner-textsfromthe-avengers) in response to a 'texts from the avengers' picture.

"This was a mistake,"

"Yeah, you keep saying that. But here we are again, making the same mistake."

"I'm being irresponsible and unfair to you."

"Uh huh. And did you decide that before you sucked my cock or after?"

A quiet snort in the darkness. "Do you have any intention to take me seriously?"

"No."

"Barton-"

"No, I'm not taking you seriously when you say this is a mistake. You want to know why?"

"Why?"

Warm breath on Phil's ear and a warm hand over his heart, fingers digging into the bare flesh.

"Because you call my name when you come. You call me 'Clint' and you babble all sorts of crazy shit about me so I'm not going to pretend this is a mistake we keep repeating. It's a lot of things but it's not a mistake."

Silence for a while and then, softly, "Go to sleep, Phil. We can talk about this in the morning."

A rustle of sheets and a quiet sigh as bodies are rearranged for sleep.

Nothing moves for a long time. Breathing slows.

"I love you, Clint."

A quiet, sleepy chuckle. "Love you too, sir. Now go to sleep, you wore me out."


	14. Clint/Coulson - upside down kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, Fahre asked for Clint/Coulson and an upside down kiss.

It was supposed to be a quick extraction, Phil was sure, but he'd spent the three days of captivity certain he was going to die this time and making bargains with himself about what he'd do if he got out alive.

So when the grating clattered down from a vent in the ceiling and Clint's head and torso appeared, arms extended to grab Phil and pull him up, Phil let instinct take over for once in his life. He stretched up, put his hands on Clint's face to hold him steady, and kissed him.

Upside down kissing turned out to be harder than it looked in the movies.

But Clint put his hands on Phil's shoulders and kissed back with enthusiasm and the awkward angle didn't matter. There were lips and tongues and warm breath, all the things Phil had spent three days (and several years) thinking about.

They shared hundreds of kisses over the years but Phil always considered their first, awkward, upside down kiss to be the best.


	15. Clint/Coulson - romantic kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, Anonymous asked for Clint/Coulson and any of the kiss options, creative liberty encouraged. I went for a romantic kiss...

There was an anticipatory hush in the room as dozens of people held their breath. Friends, family, although the distinction had blurred over the years. Everyone waiting.

Phil looked down at where his hand was clasped in Clint's, the gold bands on their ring fingers gleaming in the sunlight. He slowly lifted Clint's hand to his mouth and kissed Clint's knuckle, closing his eyes so he could feel the wedding ring slowly warm against his lips and taste the skin underneath. Clint's quickly inhaled breath made Phil open his eyes so he could see the bright, beautiful smile on his face.

Applause rang out around them but Phil was too busy kissing Clint, slowly and gently with their clasped hands still between their chests, to notice anything else.


	16. Clint/Coulson - stomach kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, shinykariasked for Clint/Coulson and a stomach kiss.

Clint could feel the skin twitching under his lips and he smiled against it before lifting his head. "Are you ticklish?"

Phil shook his head. "Not normally."

When Clint ducked his head to kiss Phil's stomach again, just beside the belly button, he felt Phil twitch again. Maybe not twitch, not exactly. More like...flinch.

He looked up and rested his chin on Phil's stomach. "Is there a problem down here?"

Phil was quiet for just long enough to make Clint start to worry before he said, "I don't understand why you like that."

"Kissing you?" Clint frowned. "Kissing your stomach? Is that a problem for you?"

"It's not my best feature," Phil said with a shrug that was anything but casual.

Clint considered him for a long moment. The tips of his ears had gone pink and the expression on Phil's face was one Clint had never seen before, a mixture of anxiety and confusion that made him want to do anything to wipe it away. He'd always seen Phil as the strong one, the one who knew exactly who and what he was and didn't need reassurance that he was wanted the way Clint did.

The idea Phil had some vulnerabilities, even such a small one as this, made something clench in Clint's chest.

"I love your stomach," Clint said, leaning down to kiss it again as a demonstration. "It's a bit soft on the outside but it's strong and firm underneath. Just like you. I love every part of you."

He pressed another kiss on Phil's belly and this time Phil didn't flinch. The skin under his lips tasted of salt and Phil when he kissed again, below the belly button this time, and let his tongue just barely touch the skin.

"I can stop," he said quietly and grazed his teeth against Phil's skin with the next kiss. "Just say the word."

"Don't stop," Phil said with a gasp.

Clint grinned and complied.


	17. Clint/Coulson - forceful kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, Nerdwegian asked for Clint/Coulson and a forceful kiss.

Teeth and noses clashed painfully. Hands clutched and pulled.

Phil tasted coffee and anger in Clint's mouth. He drove deeper and pushed until Clint hit the door behind him and grunted.

He wanted to kiss the breath out of Clint, kiss him until the pain and anger went away for both of them.

Clint groaned and the sound sent heat shivering down Phil's spine.

Sharp teeth nipped at Phil's lips. Biting just hard enough to make Phil gasp and then sucking the pain away.

The door shook and Phil wasn't sure anymore who was controlling this. His hands were in Clint's hair, holding on like Clint was a life-raft, and Clint's hands were on his ass pulling him closer.

He wasn't sure who was controlling this, only that it was fierce and angry and desperate because they'd come so close to not having this. So close to dying with everything unsaid.

Now they were saying it with teeth and lips, with grunts and groans, and Phil couldn't make himself be gentle because he had too many things to say and no words to say them with.

He let his body say it all instead and Clint said it right back.


	18. Clint/Coulson - kissing in the rain 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, an-introduction-to-fandom and lavvyan asked for Clint/Coulson and kissing in the rain.

They arrived at the safe house just as the rain began, big fat drops that spattered on Phil's jacket and rolled under his collar as he ran from the car behind Clint. He ducked his head and tried to hold his bag up to protect his head from it, which mostly worked but there were still dark splotches on his grey suit by the time he was through the door.

It looked like the type of storm that would rage for a while and the sound of a distant clap of thunder a moment later was confirmation.

Phil shook the rain off his bag and left it in the hall while he searched for the thermostat to turn the heating on. The house felt cold and damp and a storm would only make it worse. By the time he carried his bag upstairs, Clint's bag was already sitting by the foot of the only bed and Clint was nowhere in sight.

There was another rumble of thunder, closer this time. Phil began methodically unpacking everything he needed for the night. He pulled out clothes to sleep in and clean clothes for next day, piling them on the dresser with his wash bag and then putting everything else neatly back in the bag just in case.

The sky was growing darker as the storm moved closer. Phil looked out of the window down into the small fenced backyard, peering out through the heavy rain. A flash lit everything up and for a moment he could see Clint, standing with his head tipped back so he could catch the rain in his mouth. Clint hated being cold and wet but for some reason he couldn't resist standing outside in the rain.

Phil hung up his suit jacket and put his shoes under the bed. 

By the time he reached the place where Clint was standing, his shirt was clinging to his skin and his feet were cold and wet in his muddy socks. The rain was so heavy now it was turning the yard into a small lake.

Clint grinned at him, water streaming down his face and pouring from his soaked clothes. "It's beautiful."

"You're crazy," Phil said. "I can't believe you're out here."

Phil couldn't hear Clint's reply over the roll of thunder. It didn't matter because Clint leaned closer and his cold lips and warm breath brushed Phil's ear as he said, "You're out here with me. Guess that makes both of us a bit crazy."

They never kissed outside, out where anyone could see them, but the rain was a thick curtain around them hiding them from view. Phil cupped Clint's jaw, the skin wet and cool under his fingers as he held Clint in place for a kiss.

Clint's mouth was hot and tasted of mint when Phil licked inside, a warm counterpoint to the cold ferocity of the storm around them. He felt Clint's arms wrap right around his waist, pulling him closer so they were standing chest to chest and too close for water to get between them. For a moment Phil's feet skidded in the mud and Clint laughed against his mouth 

Lightning flashed, turning everything into bright light and dark shadow for a moment. A boom of thunder followed immediately after but Phil didn't notice because Clint was warm and slippery and kissing him like he never wanted the storm to end.


	19. Clint/Coulson - kissing in the rain 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, redsector-a and Anonymous asked for Clint/Coulson and kissing in the rain.

Clint slipped and slithered down the muddy bank, coming to an undignified (not to mention, squelchy) rest at Phil's feet. He looked up and waved.

Water dripped off Phil's nose.

"Hello," Clint said as cheerfully as he could considering he was covered with mud and distinctly soggy.

"It's raining," Phil said.

"I noticed."

"Why are we outside in the rain when there's a perfectly dry cabin not thirty feet from here?"

"I think you came out to find me."

Phil's expression didn't change but he seemed to somehow convey a deep-seated disappointment with just one slow blink.

"Why are you outside playing in the mud when you could be dry and clean in our cabin?"

"I was checking vantage points." Clint gestured to the tall trees that began at the top of the grassy (now muddy) bank. "Just in case."

"It's a vacation. You don't need a vantage point."

"We're SHIELD agents. We always need vantage points."

"Up trees?"

Clint shrugged and felt some mud ooze down the back of his t-shirt. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"And when did it start look like a bad idea?"

"About the time it started raining and the tree got slippery."

"I see."

A fond smile slowly curved Phil's lips, the smile that always made Clint's heart beat a little faster and the breath catch in his throat.

"Hey, Phil," he said quietly. "Kiss me?"

"You're wet and muddy," Phil protested.

"So are you."

Phil considered the request for a moment before kneeling down and leaning over Clint in the mud. His white shirt was so wet it had turned transparent and Clint unconsciously licked his lips. The rain was warm and the air was jungle steamy but Phil's nipples were dark and raised through the fabric.

"This is a very bad idea," Phil said.

Clint grinned and grabbed his tie (who wore a tie on vacation?) to reel him in. "It's a great idea."

"It's a good thing I love you."

"I know. Otherwise you'd be kissing some wet guy on a tropical island you didn't even like."

"Next time we take a vacation, we're going somewhere with no trees, no mud, and no rain."

Clint tugged harder at the tie and Phil's hands suddenly slid out from under him on the mud so he landed on Clint with a muffled grunt. There was mud and rain everywhere now, inside Clint's shirt and soaking through his jeans and sliding down inside his boots. But Phil's mouth was right there, perfectly positioned for kissing, and Clint couldn't have cared less. He took his time and kissed Phil slowly, carefully, until Phil was gasping against his lips and whispering his name and neither of them cared about the rain or the mud anymore.


	20. Clint/Coulson - kissing along hips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, redsector-a asked for Clint/Coulson and kissing along hips

There wasn't a part of Clint's body that Phil didn't love. The muscular arms, the beautiful eyes, the strong shoulders - he loved all of it and there were days he couldn't believe he was allowed to love him.

But it was Clint's hips that Phil couldn't resist. That he couldn't keep his eyes off and his hands away from. The hint of shadow exposed when his shirt rose up because he never fastened the bottom button. The hard ridge of bone under Phil's hand when he pulled Clint close. The soft dimple above it and the solid muscle below.

Phil dipped his head and kissed Clint's hip just above the waist band of his briefs. The skin twitched and shivered under his lips and Phil smiled.

He tugged the underwear lower, only an inch, and kissed another bit of exposed skin. Clint gasped and clutched at the sheets under him.

Phil loved Clint's hips and Clint loved the way he loved them, which suited both of them perfectly.


	21. Clint/Coulson - nose kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, Anonymous asked for Clint/Coulson and a nose kiss

Clint was used to being the one lying in a hospital bed covered with bandages. It was the natural order of things: he did something stupid, saved the world, and broke at least three things in the process. It was never Phil.

Except for that one time they never talked about.

It felt odd to be the one who sat on the edge of the bed instead of the one lying in the bed. Phil's face was so bruised that his eyes had swollen almost shut and his arms were swathed in bandages. The blankets hid the cast on Phil's leg but Clint could see its outline and feel the heavy solidity of it against his hip.

"Hi," he said.

Phil's lips twisted into something that might have been a smile if he hadn't looked more like a chipmunk due to all the swelling. "Hi."

Clint couldn't decide where was safe to touch so he didn't. "The docs say you'll be up and about again in no time."

"That's too bad," Phil said. "I'd been hoping for a sick day or two. My DVR keeps filling up with things I can't watch."

"I think we can manage that," Clint said. "I'll have a word. The docs love me, I'm sure we can get you a week or two on the sofa."

He touched Phil's cheek and Phil flinched.

"Sorry," Clint said quickly. "Guess you hurt everywhere, huh?"

Phil seemed to think about it carefully, although it was hard to tell when his face was blue and purple and too swollen to move much.

"My nose," he said eventually. "I don't think my nose hurts."

Clint stared at him for a moment before bursting into laughter. "Jeez, Phil, you get practically everything else broken and they missed your nose? How the fuck does that happen? Someone always gets my nose."

"Luck," Phil said quietly, his lip twitching into another almost-smile.

A cut on his lip cracked and started bleeding again, making him hiss unhappily. Clint sighed and reached out to gently wipe away the blood with his thumb.

"You need to stop doing that," he said. "You'll make it hurt and I can't kiss it better right now because that just makes you hurt more. OK?"

Phil's answering "OK" was barely a whisper and he sounded exhausted and defeated. It made something tug unhappily in Clint's chest because this must be what it was like each time he ended up bandaged and hurting after something went wrong and he got in over his head.

He leaned down and gently kissed Phil's nose.

Phil's sigh sounded happier this time and Clint smiled down at him before kissing his nose again and telling him to go to sleep.


	22. Clint/Coulson - kiss with a fist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, jeremy-ruiner asked for Clint/Coulson and a kiss with a fist.

They'd fought side by side so many times over the years that Phil usually had an instinctive feel for where Clint would be at any time. It was like moving with a familiar dance partner, knowing all their moves and how they'd react so they could perform perfectly even when the band decided to improvise.

Phil missed having the time for things like Lindy Hop now he was such a senior agent and spent so much time away from home.

The point was, usually he could let instinct take over if Clint was fighting with him because they worked together so well. He could throw someone over his shoulder without worrying he'd thrown someone into Clint and he never, ever accidentally hurt Clint no matter how frenzied the situation. Even that time in London when they were fighting in the dark, in an abandoned Tube station, hadn't been a problem.

Except today Phil's ears were ringing and his head was throbbing because someone had hit him over the head with something heavy and painful. His vision kept swimming in and out of focus and he had to pour all his concentration into the Hydra agent in front of him just to stay in the fight.

So it was probably inevitable that, when someone touched his shoulder just after he'd finally delivered the knockout kick to his opponent's jaw, he would whirl round and throw a wild punch.

Clint dropped like a stone and sat on the floor looking stunned. Phil blinked twice, trying to clear his vision where it was starting to go cloudy again.

"Ow," Clint said and spat on the ground beside him.

There was blood on his teeth and lips and more running down from his nose.

Phil's head was getting worse but he crouched down beside Clint and reached out, not surprised when Clint flinched from his touch.

"I think you broke my nose," Clint said, his voice sounding nasally and tired. "And maybe a tooth."

"Sorry," Phil said.

A wave of dizziness made him wobble and he sat down completely. Clint caught him as he almost toppled to one side and Phil decided he was quite happy to lean against Clint's shoulder for a while because the world was getting too fuzzy to put much effort into anything else.

"You're not the first guy to break it," Clint said. "You're the first guy on the white hat side to break it, but hey, it had to happen one day. I always figured it would be Fury."

"Fury won't kiss it better after," Phil mumbled.

He felt Clint's choked laugh more than heard it, rumbling against his ear.

"He'd better not," Clint said. "I'm counting on you for that."

Phil hummed his agreement and passed out.


	23. Clint/Coulson - kissing in acid rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, Tawg asked for Clint/Coulson and kissing in acid rain (just to be different!).

"I used to like Central Park in the rain," Clint said. "It made me think about spring. New things growing, all that Hallmark card shit."

Rain drummed down on the roof of their gazebo sounding tinny against the metal.

"I always preferred to be indoors when it was raining," Phil said. "A cup of coffee and a book with the rain outside was comforting.

The windows were growing foggy and there was a sharp smell in the air.

"How long do you think it will take them to find us?"

Phil checked his watch. "Not much longer."

The green light on the locator beam flashed steadily. It was working, sending their location out to anyone listening.

"I thought the storm wasn't due for another three hours," Clint said.

"That's what the forecast said." Phil glanced up at the roof as something outside creaked. "Guess we need to refine the forecast."

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, the sharp tang in the air getting stronger as the rain continued to beat down gently around their shelter. Eventually they heard the quiet rumble of an engine.

"At fucking last," Clint said with a relieved sigh.

He coughed, harsh and wet, as the air scoured his lungs.

Phil could feel his throat stinging with each breath he took. "We haven't got suits."

"So we get a bit of acid burn." Clint shrugged. "We've had worse."

It was true and Phil carefully didn't look at the scars on Clint's hands as he nodded.

At the door, they paused.

"Kiss for luck?" Clint asked.

Phil smiled tightly. "Yes."

Then they were kissing hungrily before throwing open the doors and running hand in hand, running the short distance across the blacked ground to the waiting SHIELD transport while acid burned their skin and clothes.


	24. Clint/Coulson - neck kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Tumblr kissing meme, Anonymous asked for Clint/Coulson and any of the kiss options, so I picked a neck kiss.

The thing about dating Phil Coulson that Clint thought most people didn't know (and he wasn't planning to let them in on it) was that the man everyone saw on the job wasn't the man he got at home. It wasn't that Phil turned into a different person the moment he walked through the door. 

He was still the person Clint had fallen for: the guy who could strip and reassemble any kind of gun (really, *any* kind of gun) in under a minute and take out Hydra agents with a pen and a rubber band. The guy who could calmly order agents to take away a monster's body while dripping with slime because the monster had temporarily *eaten him*. The guy who didn't twitch even when Stark's repulsors misfired and nearly took off his ear.

Clint figured he was pretty lucky to be dating that guy.

But the Phil Coulson he got to see at home liked chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and looked incredibly disappointed every time he reached into the bag of Doritos and came out empty-handed because he'd absently eaten all of them without noticing. He watched Sharknado just so he could complain about the lack of logic in the concept.

He maintained a bubble of personal space when he was at work and then couldn't keep his hands to himself at home.

Clint loved the Phil he got at home because they had mornings like this, where he woke up first and padded out to the kitchen to make chocolate chip pancakes. And just as he was beating the batter, he felt arms slide around his waist and Phil's warmth against his back.

"Good morning," he said, leaning back into the embrace.

Phil mumbled something that might have been 'good morning' but his mouth was pressed against Clint's neck so it was hard to tell. The rough stubble was scratchy against Clint's skin but Phil's lips were soft.

The Phil that Clint got at home was sleepily affection in the morning and Clint loved every facet of him.


	25. Skye/Jemma - Jemma can't understand why people have beach sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous prompter asked--Skimmons prompt: They go to the beach and Simmons wonders how people can have sex in the sand. I tried to oblige ;-)

"I just don't understand why people do it," Jemma said. "I mean, all that sand getting into uncomfortable places. It can't be fun."

Skye grinned and resisted the temptation to turn her head and look at Jemma. She knew that there would be a puzzled frown between her brows and she'd have to lean over and kiss it away if she saw it, which would take far more energy than she currently wanted to use. Warm sun and salty air always made her feel lazy.

"Trust me, it's fun," Skye said instead. "With the right person and the right timing and a good shower after, it's fun."

Jemma made a doubtful sound. "Sex on a beach. With all the sand and the salt water and the tiny creatures in the sand, that's fun?"

"Tiny creatures in the sand?" Skye said.

This was the problem with dating someone like Jemma. She knew way too much about all the creepy and disgusting creatures that infested places Skye would have been happier not knowing about. Like the sand under the towel that she had been enjoying until about five seconds ago.

Jemma immediately went into an involved ramble about sand flies and other tiny beasts Skye would have been happier never to hear about. Her enthusiasm made Skye smile despite the slightly disturbing subject matter, which was probably a sign that Skye was doomed forever. She was dating someone who liked the gooey, revolting parts of nature and Jemma's wonder at the terrifying ways biochemistry could kill people was part of what had attracted Skye to her.

Skye opened her eyes and rolled her head to the side, despite her lazy intentions, so she could watch Jemma enthuse and wave her hands around about something with a long Latin name.

Definitely doomed.

"If you really want to know why beach sex is great, we could just do it," Skye said when Jemma paused for breath.

Jemma blinked. "We could?"

"Is there anyone else on this beach right now?" Skye asked, gesturing around at the empty, secluded beach they were sunbathing on. "It's our weekend off, the rest of the team are back at the hotel--which has great showers, by the way--and this is a very, very private beach."

"A practical demonstration," Jemma said thoughtfully. "You think that would convince me?"

Skye gave her the most ridiculous, lecherous smile she could muster, which made Jemma laugh. "I don't know whether it would convince you, but I'd definitely like to have sex now."

Jemma rolled over and Skye sighed when Jemma put out a hand to rest it lightly on her belly, just above the waist band of her bikini bottoms. It was such a nice hand, so talented and clever and warm. Skye really liked Jemma's hands.

"And if you don't convince me?" Jemma said.

"There's always shower sex after," Skye said.

"I like the way you think."


	26. Annabelle/Valkyrie - dates are complicated when sharing a body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shinykari asked for this: Um, this is kind of silly and ridiculous, so.... Annabelle and Val trying to go on a date with each other while sharing Val's body? How would that even work?
> 
> I did my best with this piece of silliness.

"I want you to know, this makes me deeply uncomfortable," Misty said. "And if you weren't both such good friends, I wouldn't be here."

Annabelle took a sip of her wine and smiled. "We know. Thank you."

Misty snorted. They'd found a quiet, secluded corner in the restaurant. The waiter had looked confused when Misty asked for a few pot plants to be moved to shield them from view, but he'd given in when Valkyrie made her first unexpected appearance.

New York diners might be accustomed to superheroes, but not ones who vacillated between body shapes in the blind of an eye.

"I'm still not sure what I'm here for," Misty said. It was a bold-faced lie and everyone involved knew it. She just couldn't resist teasing them both. "If you're expecting me to be a place holder when you start getting frisky..."

Annabelle disappeared in a sparkling could of blue, replaced by Val's taller, scowlier body. "No. You're not a place holder for that."

"Yeah, I don't even want to know what you're both planning to do about that. Never, ever tell me. OK?"

"Agreed," Val said. "You are an intermediary for our dinner and conversation only. Do not allow Annabelle to purchase the oysters. They make my stomach burn."

There was a shimmer in the air and she was suddenly Annabelle again. "Do I want to know what you're talking about? Val was hiding things again."

Misty raised a hand to order another large vodka. It was going to be a long night. Maybe she should just get the waiter to bring the bottle to the table.


End file.
